This shall be the last post about you this year, because frankly speaking, you’re really not worth mentioning about anymore. You have changed, and as much as you want to deny it, please don’t.
 
You have become a different person totally. I still regard you as a good friend that sometimes I wish we could remain that way. I treasure those moments you encouraged me because it felt like I grew up. I’m actually somewhat disappointed in you, not because I still love you but I do not wish for you to throw your life away. For whatever you believe in, whatever you live for, don’t make one mistake that you’ll regret. Don’t do it because you have to. Do it because you want to, you are sure and you know.
 
Because of all this, I just got bored. I stopped enjoying receiving your emails, hearing from you, knowing about your life. Sometimes it just seems like a lie, which is so very sad. I thought we lead an honest relationship? Secrets will always be secrets, but true feelings? What happened to those?
 
Many a time I don’t know where I stand anymore, but I made a promise to you. I stopped doing things for you and I felt free. But it doesn’t mean I want to see you like this. I really hoped for happiness to fall upon you, that you’ll find someone you love who loves you as much. Because of her, you were happier, but are you sure? Maybe more happier than you were with me, but I am not angry. I don’t feel like I hate you, and I wonder why. I guess I had hope, but I lost hope. And I lost hope in you.
 
If there is one advice I can give you, it is to be sure. Don’t make a silly mistake because it’s really not worth it. I don’t want you to live in regret. I don’t want you to feel cheated. I don’t want you to rush into something because you are forced by circumstances. If she loves you, she’ll let you go.
 
As for now, I’m tired, really tired. I’m not jealous or full of envy. I’m concerned. And that is why I am not telling you this to your face but here, knowing that you won’t read this. God helped me with the love I have inside of me; he sent NDN to realise that I’m destined for better things. But I’m not with NDN, duh, because he’s around only for other reasons. I’m only using him as an example because he is a big reason why I love and not hate.
 
Still, I wish you all the best. There’s no turning back, so promise me you’ll look forward and work towards your happiness. I care for you and it will remain like that always. Goodbye.

I haven’t written in this space for 5 months now. Not that anyone reads it anymore. Hi, if you still do.
 
The reason for this, I guess, is cause I just want to vent. I’m frustrated and tired about the lack of understanding that I just want to get it out and make it clear, even if nobody knows at all.
 
Today is my grandma’s birthday. Family. To me, family has always been cousins plus plus. It was never about just me, my parents and my siblings. Because our family spent every weekend together, as much as we could. We only stopped doing so, because they sold the family house, where it housed the unmarried ones then, as Aunty Pris got married 10 years ago.
 
The whole thing just seemed disgusting to me. Even a blind heartless soul could tell I was very much attached to my uncle. From the time he relapsed, I was worried shit for him. I never showed it, or told anyone. After all, it would seem like I wanted sympathy right? But I cared. I cared so much cause I didn’t do anything before.
 
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Gosh, I fucking hate being at home. More so when everyone else is at home. Feels like my space, privacy, peace has been invaded.
 
I love quiet surroundings. Maybe that’s why I love to be in church, at mass. I hate the screaming children though. Anyway, I just am overwhelmed at work with voices, and I look forward to a peaceful night, yet, I can’t get it.
 
I so fucking hate it ok. All the insensitive people around. If you try and know me, try and understand me, you’ll know immediately I want my own space. I want to be by myself, be alone. I don’t even want to apologise for being this way - it’s just so unfair that I need to give in to people, I need to understand people when they don’t do the same for me. It just shows how much I mean to them. People who don’t try and understand others just care more for themselves. That is so bloody unfair.
 
That’s why I miss US. I miss it so much. My own space, my own freedom. Cook how I like, eat where I want, do what I please. No one to breathe down my neck. I loved how I grew up there and decided I really want to be back there. But I can’t. Again, thanks to the same fucking insensitive people who want me to suffer with them. The same insensitive people that make my life miserable. Fine, I’ll annoy you till no end then. Do all my work for me since I don’t want to do things your way. I just think people should be given the chance to not live with their families. That’s why I love the American way of life - independence at 18.
 
And now, I shall just reply to him, because at least he understands. Thanks a mil. You know who you are.

Wow, it’s been almost 3 weeks since I last blogged! Not as if anyone cares to read haha. I was just hopping to Whiney’s - he’s like a faithful blogger since 2001, and and and, he’s coming home soon! I can’t believe it’s been 2 years, just like that. Time passes very very fast. And in a month, my driving license also hits a year old. Hahaha.
 
So anyway everything is new and that is why I hate it. I shall not elaborate but I eagerly await. For now, I shall try and finish my dinner as I battle my horrible gastric - I think it’s gastric. It’s just that I never bothered so much to cure it.

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free
So I’m letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die, no
 
You’ll always be a part of me
I’m a part of you indefinitely
Boy don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
 
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The other day I watched Never Been Kissed(watched it before with a friend way back in 99) again, and I got so hooked to this old school song called Never You Mind by Semisonic. Got it off my brother(thanks Dandrew!).
 
If you have a last.fm account, you can listen to it here. I couldn’t find it on youtube, too bad.